Five Minute Friday...Fight

I'm joining a group of bloggers who have a word and write for five minutes... Explained here:
http://lisajobaker.com/five-minute-friday/


GO

I hear the word FIGHT it brings up all kinds of thoughts about family.  And usually it involves my parents church.  And what they consider the proper thing to be done in any given situation.  And how they feel the need to cut people off.  If you do something they disagree with...poof, you are gone.

How is this what Jesus would want?  Didn't he regularly spend time with the unclean?  The prostitutes, the tax collectors.  How are we to share the love of Christ if we stay away, sheltered in our own little world?

STOP

New Year, New Me...Once Again!

My last post was a year ago when I shared my One Word and promised to post more frequently.  Well, you can see how well that worked!  In my defense (or my excuse!), we added two new grand babies this year and I have become "the Nanny" for one!  So while I have been spending time with Audrey, which I love, I need a writing outlet.  So, I'm back.  At least as of today!  :-). So here we go...

My One Word for 2014 is STILL.  As in, be still.  God has really impressed upon me my need to just shut up and listen to Him.  So we are starting there!

Dreams

Picked a daily devotional from YouVersion.  Joyce Meyer's Promises For You.  Today's verse was Proverbs 29:18.  She talks about dreams and how we sometimes avoid, mess up, or hide our dreams because we are afraid of failure.  Light bulb moment!  "Learn to enjoy where you are on the way to where you're going!"

3 Gifts:  1.  Outside:  No more rain!
              2.  Inside:  Clean, rearranged living room.
              3.  On a plate:  Left over pork roast, sauerkraut, and mashed potatoes!

Blessed day!

New Year...New Me!

My word for the year is...INTENTIONAL  I want to be more intentional about so many things this year but most of all my walk with God.  I don't want to be casual about it.  After my Walk to Emmaus in October I have been working towards this and have just decided there is no time like the present. Time is short!

So...I am joining Ann Voskamp's Joy Dare  3 things that I am thankful for each day!  Today is 3 Gifts Heard.

1.  Hubby laughing as he is watching football game on television.

2.  Music - in particular, Israel Haughton's "Moving Forward".

3.  Dogs barking to greet us when we pulled in the driveway.

I'm also joining Holley Gerth's 21 Day Challenge - "Do What You Can Plan".  I will be spending more time in His Word.  No more excuses!  I'm looking at a couple of plans on YouVersion.  Will post tomorrow which one I have decided to use!

If you care to join me...lets see what we can do!

Five Minute Friday's

I have been reading several blogs lately that have a Five Minute Friday. The rules are quite easy...for writers! Write for five minutes flat - no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking. I have been so inspired by these women! I can't tell you the number of times that I have read a blog posting and thought...that was exactly what I needed to hear! Now I know my writing is lousy. No funny stories, no pithy comments, no words of wisdom. But maybe...maybe I can allow God to shine through and encourage someone. And I will start with Five Minute Friday. Today's word is JOY.

Ready...set...start

Interesting word. I know all of the proper things I am to say. But the point that they were trying to get across is to CHOOSE JOY. How often am I amazed that people are able to see the wonders of God in a sunset which I don't even take the time to notice!

This is a choice we have. And I spend way WAY too much time wallering in my defeats or just worrying about things that are absolutely out of my control.

So, for this weekend...I am going to choose joy! Let's see what we can accomplish when I look at things from a cheerful, joyful position. God has blessed me tremendously.

Now I just need to live His blessings!!!

STOP...

Wow that was interesting. Not planning on doing anything with this like link to the blog but if you are curious to read some other takes on joy...check this out: http://thegypsymama.com

Have a great weekend!

More in the continuing sage with "T"

Since no one reads this blog I am using it to keep track of the stuff going on with T since the last time she had a list of everything I had done wrong...and since I don't care enough about all of this to waste brain cells I am going to do the documenting here. I mean, I swear this woman had a listing of EVERY possible time I had done something that she didn't like/hurt her feelings/or upset her in any way. The sad thing...I remember none of it. In most cases when she brought it up it shocked me that she was hurt. Anyway....

OK...this is the first Sunday evening we have had DT since our preacher left. I am the sub in his class so I figured it was my responsibility to plan something and I did. Even tho it was only a video! After our service, I announced that our class would be meeting in the sanctuary. At that time "T" came up to me and said something to the affect that she was surprised that I had something planned because she is the DT Director and all. I offered to back down she said no need, go ahead. And then informed me that she had talked to someone about teaching the class and he was looking at the material. First of all, we don't have material in this class. When I said that she said she had to talked to Bonnie about getting some and "he" was going to review the material and see if he was willing to teach. Would not tell me who when I questioned...which is fine. But NONE of this was discussed in our class. We spoke a few weeks ago when Byron resigned about the need for a man to step up...I don't feel I should be teaching this class. But we certainly didn't talk about any material.

Why do I let myself be upset by this kind of stuff? She is just flexing...but I did end up calling Bonnie and asking if I was out of line to be concerned. She had been presented with the need for material by T and was under the impression that we as a class had discussed it. So she didn't feel I was out of line but now as I write this I just continue to be sad. When we need to be circling the wagons this is coming up. AND I REFUSE TO LET SATAN INVOLVE ME IN ANYTHING THAT WILL BE HARMFUL TO MY CHURCH!!!

Enough said...

Run me over

WOW....still almost a week later (and after several interesting/sad events) I feel like I have been run over by a bus/truck/train!! Last Wednesday night I had the powwow with the preacher and the women in my church. We will call her "T". Basically, it all comes down to...she is jealous of my relationship with the preachers wife and is upset that I no longer talk to her. I tried to take the blame for that. I am not in a position to allow myself to be in conversations with her because I have been convicted of all the gossiping we did...I just need to stay away. But she feels that she no longer gossips as she has also been convicted. Unfortunately, I find that difficult to believe as she had a long convo with someone while her phone butt/boob dialed a friend....and the fact that this happened was told to me in confidence so I couldn't bring that up!! Bottom line, if I said it one time I said it six...I can't been the kind of friend she wants. Ended with Bryon disappointed with me because I didn't come back at her but I knew there was no hope in that and just pretty much kept my mouth shut!!

Then, things went from bad to worse. One of our deacons had been in the hospital for over 2 weeks. He really began to go downhill on Thursday, so I sent a text to my sunday school ladies (past and present) including T, asking for prayer. As he got worse through the day, I continued to update this group, including T, and she then was the one to call me to let me know that this man had passed. With the funeral, feeding the family and all apparently she is taking this to mean we are best buds again...!!!

So done with it all. The Gray family will be leaving on Friday. We are having one last hoorah at the church on Wednesday night. Am tired of crying...I am going to miss them terribly! I hope God has a terrific man ready to come to our church, and soon!

And the beat goes on...

Wow...since I had my last vomit of blog information to share there has been happenings at our church. Our pastor has resigned. UGH! As much as I hate this, it is strictly for selfish reasons. Once again, I have allowed myself to become personal friends with the preacher and, more importantly, his wife!! She is absolutely, without a doubt, my best friend here. The only person in the church that I feel able to open up even remotely!!! And now they are moving 2 hours away.

I have said I feel a peace about their move...he really has done all he can here until some folks decide to open up and make some changes. I know he is doing what God wants him to do but it is still going to be difficult. Not looking forward to is at all.

Then this morning I am told that he (the preacher) was approached by a woman in the church who has asked for a mediated meeting with me to see if we can straighten some things out. I knew immediately who he was talking about and I agreed. WOW...this should be interesting. How do you tell someone that the reason you don't speak with her anymore is because you have been convicted of gossiping?! I am alittle concerned however, because he said that these kind of meetings can be good or they can be hurtful. Makes me wonder what she has said to him about me!!! So, I am spending the rest of the day praying. Praying that I will keep my comments civil. Praying that I don't say anything out of anger. Because in the grand scheme of things, this friendship really doesn't mean much to me. I will never allow myself to be in a position where I will trust her with anything more that can be used against me!! Thank I need to pray about that attitude too...

MY LIFE...PART THREE

And I guess the thing that is concerning me most is my walk with God. I am struggling with everything lately. Quiet time is practically nonexistant. I spend way too much time trying to get inspiration from the internet...facebook...twitter. I mean they all can be good and I am just following Godly people but it so isn't necessary. And then I am critical of one church member. Who am I to be critical of her?!

I have attempted to do the Made to Crave bible study. Started with 8 people ended with just 2 of us. But why does that matter? The two of us got something out of it and those who didn't continue are the ones who missed out.

And then in Sunday School yesterday, I had a meltdown. In Sunday School. With Amanda. UGH!! I was interested in starting Lysa TerKeurst's More Than a Good Bible Study Girl study and we watched the first weeks DVD.

OH...and did I mention that the insprection stickers on both the VW and the truck expired the end of April? Just sayin...

Back on track. I want so much to have an accountability group. Atleast I think I do but after talking with Amanda I am not sure I really do. I mean it has become apparent to me that we talked alot in my family (dinner time for example) but we never really talked ABOUT anything that mattered. Eddie and I are the same way. I write this because I don't think I could ever make him understand my craziness. We talk about absolutely nothing that means anything. When we do talk it is usually me complaining/yelling and he just lets me rant. Wehave been together for more than 20 years and he still has no idea of the crazy things that go on in my head. The times I am grateful that I made it home without driving head on into a semi. WOW...actually said that out loud.

Need to get my mess straightened out...

MY LIFE...PART TWO

Ed's orders with the National Guard where over the end of March 2011. The two months prior, there was something crazy going on with his paychecks...they say he was overpaid last year and starting taking money out each payperiod to repay. I was unable to get an answer from Ed about what/why this was being done. Still haven't really...he keeps insisting that there were payments made during the past year that he shouldn't have gotten. My feeling is that since he has been paid the same amount for the past several years...I don't follow. Asked him to get copies of his LES forms and show me but we have gotten no where with that. In the meantime, the bimonthly checks went from $2400 to $800. Quite a reduction in pay...

Then they stopped completely in April. With no prospects of any new job. It was over a month before he even started to look. And apply for unemployment?? Why we didn't do that until April 18th and a week later when I ask about it I am told "they need a copy of my orders". OK!!! And in the middle of all this...the VA decides that Caitlin is no longer eligible for any benefits. The 36 months became 12 and they cut her off. Fortunately, I had a little put away to pay for the balance due on this quarters tuition bill and to have her wisdom teeth removed. Did I mention that she needed to have all four removed??!!

And have I said anything about the fact that my house is not my home anymore? I love that fact that Bryce and Jed are living with us but I hate when Jed is working third shift. He gets to spend so much more time with his son...but that means that Bryce gets to spend so much more time with his Dad - read UNDISCIPLINED!! Church is becoming unbearable. I am amazed that those sitting around us haven't moved. Caitlin got to see it in all his glory yesterday.

I come home at night, go to my room and stay there. There is absolutely no interaction with the guys. It is absolute insanity most of the time. Either watching the SYFY channel or Spongebob Squarepants!! Even Hannah has started to hide. I was concerned because she kept sleeping next to the wall behind the desk at the door. Then she moved over to behind Eddie's chair and it dawned on me that she was hiding too!! The girls in this house are definately outnumbered!

All this is going on with a child who has moved home with his child and over the course of the last two years that they have been with us he has given me $150 to pay bills. I mean....really? He has a full time job. Even his vehicle is his dad's and we pay the insurance for it. I feel like a complete dube...we have allowed him to overtake our home, our finances and everything. Our lives revolve around Jed and Bryce. I want to do the right thing by them....but I am to where I don't know what that is anymore!

TO BE CONTINUED...

MY LIFE FALLING APART....PART ONE

Really had a difficult weekend...well actually it's been the past several weeks and I am struggling to make sense of it all. Maybe writing will help so you are now subject to the ramblings of a 50+ year old crazy woman. Grab a cup of coffee and relax. It may be worth a few minutes of your time!!

Everything really started to fall apart a few months ago when I was planning a Simulcast of Pricilla Shirer's Going Beyond event. At the last minute I had gone to the Feminar event in Longview, TX and really felt the Lord telling me to arrange for the Simulcast. We needed something for the ladies in our church since they had cancelled the Women of Faith Conference in Shreveport this year. Maybe this was the first downfall...maybe it wasn't God leading me! But I sincerely felt led...so I got home, talked to Byron and got his encouragement and signed up.

As usual, I was much more excited about the Simulcast than most of the women in our church. Thank goodness there were a few exceptions! Jeana and Berry Wayne really kept me going. And the Simulcast itself was FANTASTIC!! God was definately in the house that Friday night. Just what I needed.

Then Good Friday...Secret Church with David Platt. Couldn't get any one to go with me so I went to a church in West Monroe by myself. The most interesting, blessed, learning 6 hours!!! So sorry I couldn't get any one to come with me. I mean seriously, 6 hours of bible study with David Platt. Awesome!!

I then spent several days listening to various preachers on the internet. Lifechurch.tv's pastor, Craig Groeschel, spoke on "Wierd because Normal Isn't Working", onfire-ministries.org had an awesome testimony, David Platt's first chapter of his new Radical book was stirring. Oh, and listened to Perry Noble at NewSpring and Steven Furtick at Elevation church.

All this, along with listening to nothing but Christian music and following new inspirational people on Twitter, have been very good for my mental facilities! The problem was that during this time everything at home was falling apart. TO BE CONTINUED...

HE HAS ARRIVED!!

At 12:32 AM, Monday, February 14, 2011 our sweet Noah Thomas was born. I cannot even begin to explain how full my heart feels!! I went to Memphis on Monday and was able to spend a couple of days holding him...he is PERFECT!!!

Had to come back for work and can't go back this weekend because Grandpa has a cold but Caitlin and I are planning a trip in two weeks. Jed should be off so Bryce will be taken care of and she will be done with school. She is very anxious to see her nephew!!!

God is good!

So Glad It's Friday

Almost done with week one of Made to Crave. I should have gotten the book on my Kindle. Stuggling to keep up. I am alone with Bryce in the evening and as much as I absolutely love it...it makes it difficult to get all my reading done at night. Am going to have to try the morning.

Have really struggled all the way around this week. Our word for this week is EMPOWERED and I have felt anything but this week. Ate oreo cookies last night...not going to lie...it was 12 of them. But I am trying to look at this failure as a new start!! Must get more exercise in this week!

Drill this weekend so Tanker won't be home. His birthday is Sunday so he is convinced that Big Bubba's baby will be born that day! this granny is ready!! Then Sunday night he goes into the VA for a sleep study. That should be interesting!

My remember....chant...thought for the day is: The scale can measure the weight of my body but never the worth as a woman. Thank you Lysa!!

Made To Crave

OK...back to life as we know it!! We have started a new bible study - Made To Crave - and it has been an interesting journey. I started back on Weight Watchers at the first of the year and had seen info about this new book on the KLove radio stations website. Food has such control over my life...and not in a good way! I had quit smoking about four years ago but the only way I have been able to maintain is by not starting again. I would love, LOVE to have a cigarette even today but I know that if I have one it is all over! But food...

Food is a whole different story. We need food to sustain us daily but the excess is just not necessary. I have got to get the right balance...and like with smoking, I cannot do it by myself. This has to be a God thing! So if you are interested in joining me in the journey, please feel free.

The good thing with this attempt at weight loss is that while I would love to get into some skinny jeans it is more about being able to play with Bryce and to be around for the new grandbaby.

so....our word for this week is EMPOWERED. And satan tried first thing this morning to set me up to fail but I am not denied...I am empowered to make better choices. Please pray for me and my group of ladies. Pray that we get away from craving food and find peace in craving God!!

One day at a time

Slowly but surely, we are getting things off our To-Do list:

1. Kitchen - backsplash has been installed. Love, love LOVE it! Now I am debating painting one wall red.

2. Little Bubba's bathroom - flooring is done. I told hubby that it wouldn't need painted but as soon as he got the flooring down I realized it needed to be freshened up a bit. That was done with Eddie Bauer Pecan. Today the hubster is adding the new molding.

3. Our master bath. We ordered the ceiling (Armstrong tounge and groove planks) but they won't be in for a week or so. Painting was completed last night (Alabaster by Eddie Bauer). Flooring has been purchased and will go down last.

4. Master bedroom. I have moved the office stuff into the red room and am reclaiming this room!! Picked out the paint and need to get the bedding. Why does Better Homes and Gardens advertise their bedding and then not have it available at Walmart? Debating on ordering it online but I so want to get this room done yesterday!!

5. The red room has been reclaimed. I moved the boys into BB's old room and have the office and all my craft stuff in there. Needs some tweeking.

6. Little Bubba's bedroom. Moved the boys into BB's old room and got him a new comforter. Need to try dying the drapes and have him install the blinds.

7. Finished my SPRING decorations and would love to include a picture here. That is the next thing I am learning to do!!!

Onward...

And another one off the list!!

The bug has truly hit!! Last night I finished a shadow box I was making for our daughter using the Mardi Gras mask she got this year and some of the beads. Need to get a picture of this...really proud!

And hubby got the floor down in the small bathroom this morning. We need to get some more molding tomorrow but it is about done! And he has figured how much we need for our bathroom. Hopefully I will get that purchased tomorrow too!!

Slowly but surely...

Lately...

I have been stalking...er, lerking...er, checking out alot of crafting, home remodeling blogs. There are so, SO many things I want to do at the house and we are finally getting things done. The list:

1. Trash green couch in the living room and rearrange furniture. CHECK!

2. Take out carpet in small bathroom and put down tile. Carpet up, tile down tomorrow!

3. Take out carpet in master bath and put down tile.

4. Put up new tounge and groove ceiling in master bathroom. Have it picked out!

5. Put new backsplash in kitchen. I have picked it out and Tanker purchased it yesterday!!

6. Flower beds cleaned out and new mulch put down. Jed weeded. I need to buy mulch.

7. Need to "spring" up our master bedroom. Not sure what I am going to do yet.

I have been more productive since my last pity party! I got Caitlin's bedroom cleaned out and moved Bubba #2 into there. The red room is now back to being a spare bedroom and I was able to move all my craft stuff in there and organize it alittle. I have been nesting I guess and wanted my quilts and quilt racks back out so they have come out of storage and are in the revamped living room.

Maybe this spring will be the beginning of something good...

Scarlett

It is now official...

The pity party is over! I have decided things aren't going to get any better sleeping my way through life.

So...I am starting the crafting plans. I want to make a Family Rules Canvas for our house, a House Rules Canvas for Caitlin's apartment and redo my bedroom.

I have done better this week. Dinner was prepared every night this week!!!

My soldier is home but boy has life changed!!

I have been having an impressive pity party lately and last night I thought that maybe blogging would get things out and into perspective. So here goes...

Tanker came home and we prepared for deployment. In the meantime, he had a stress test and failed. Then they scheduled him for a heart cath. My crazy mind thought OK God...I have prayed he won't go back to Iraq and maybe a stint is your solution. And then he failed the heart cath! Actually, he did fine, the docs just felt there was too much damage to make repairs with stints and they sent us to the VA in Houston. Did I mention this happened right before Christmas...and that Bryce left to go "visit" his mother the day after Christmas? Another day...

So, we go to Houston. I want to start all this by saying the folks at the Houston VA are absolutely wonderful. We had terrific care at the hospital and I was allowed to stay at the Fisher House so, although I was responsible for my meals, all the housing was paid for and with 2+ weeks in the hospital we would have had an outrageous hotel bill. The Fisher House Foundation is on my favorite list of charities!!

Jan 3, 2010 arrive in Houston after an 8 hour drive. UGH!!! And I wouldn't let him drive after the heart cath so it was all on me! We were told their would be 2 or 3 days of testing and then they would do surgery (triple bypass). So we show up for a 9 AM appt on Monday with the cardiology team...begin going through a list of clinics to visit and by 3 PM they are calling to say that they will be doing the surgery tomorrow. TOMORROW...as in Tuesday!! Frantic calls to pastor who got in his car right away (bless you Byran) and MIL who was already on her way. I guess the good thing is we didn't have time to really get our heads around this...no time to be the Obsessive Compulsive Worrier that I have come to be so proficiently.

Jan 5, 2010 arrive at the Michael Debakey VA Medical Center bright and early and by 7 AM he is on his way to surgery. Fortunately, Byran got there around 8 AM so my time alone was limited. And now we wait...and wait...and wait. The only complaint I have is that I was told that someone would update me occasionally, but I didn't hear anything until the surgery was over. I got into see him around 3 PM in the SICU and fortunately Byran was with me because even though my mother had prepared me for all the tubes...I still didn't recognize him. He was on a vent, had chest tubes, and just was not his normal self. Fortunately, he did know I was there and I was able to spend some time with him, sent his mother in to see him and headed back to the Fisher House to crash. I don't think I have ever been that tired before...

From there "normal" recovery began. We had issues with his intestines not waking up very quickly, his white count not coming down very quickly and vertigo came to visit during the surgery and has not left. We were finally able to leave Houston on January 19, 2010 and this crazy girl decided to take the heart patient home after his 2 PM appt. that day...meaning we didn't get back to Forest until 11 PM. I know, not much sense but I really, REALLY needed to get home!!

I go through all this to catch you up. We are back home, I am back to work and each day seems to be a better one for Tanker. He is still on orders and I don't know what the National Guard will do with him. I am afraid they may medically retire him. There are pluses and minuses to that. As long as the paychecks keep coming in I am reserving my upset with the Army. I am sure that will come another day!!

Things are just different at home. Tanker gets up, moves to the couch, and heads back to bed for a nap occasionally. We are going to church but that is about it. He gets out to walk daily with a trip to WalMart every once in awhile.

I, on the other hand, am really struggling with this. He is doing better and I know in my mind that it is just a day at a time. But man...oh man...how did we end up here? Aren't we alittle young for this? Most days I just want to stay in the bed and unfortunately I am doing that most Saturdays. Last Sunday I got up, went to church, came home and crashed, got up for a 4:15 pm meeting at the church, went back home to bed, got back up and went to our Dave Ramsey meeting at the church at 7PM. How productive is that? I am trying to feed us more healthy foods and am successful once in a while but need to get focused.

We go back to Houston next weekend. We are having his mother and step-dad drive us (whole nother issue) and will get there in time to watch the Super Bowl in the hotel room. Then blood work and x-ray Monday morning and doc appt a 2:30 PM. My hope is they will release him to the Shreveport VA. They have got to get his vertigo under control because even if he wanted to he couldn't go back to work now...he is using a walker. Maybe we can trade that in for a cane...

So I am done fussing. I have SO much to be thankful for. I need to get busy and start doing some crafting and/or spring cleaning. My house sure needs it!!!

Missing my soldier

It has finally stopped raining...and it didn't stop a minute too soon. But now they have been called for flood duty. I am proud of the work that the hubby does but I sure miss giving up my weekend with him.

And now he will probably just have time to fly through, get his clean clothes, and head on to his next assignment. He won't be home until just before Thanksgiving. Guess I need to look at this as a trial run for the deployment!!