As I have aged, my thoughts about motherhood and career have changed dramatically. I certainly bought into the whole “you can have it all” BS that was given to us as the result of the women’s movement. I worked my entire life with small amounts of time where I felt I needed to be home. And during those times I was home, I was constantly working on how I would get back into the workforce. It was just what I thought was expected. If I was a good enough Mom, if I was a good enough woman, I would figure out how to do this…juggle all these balls and make it work.
I remember vividly when Bonnie Blue was an infant and Big Bubba was about 9 years old. We had just moved to a new city after her birth and I had not yet found a job and, although I knew it was where I needed to be, I was having difficulty not contributing to the household financially. Issues of dependency I think now as I look back but I digress
Big Bubba would come home from school, literally throw his backpack in the front door, and head back outside. Everyday. Same ole’ thing. Whenever there was discussion of me going back to work, this boy became extremely quiet. Tanker felt Big Bubba just wanted to know I was there. A constant. Mom was home. And at the time, I was too young or too stupid to see it. I had grown up thinking I was inadequate if I wasn’t able to have well adjusted kids, the perfect home, AND a job.
The latest decision to head back home is the result of finally learning that I can’t have it all. Granted, I don’t have the benefit of having Tanker home to help with all of the activities that Bonnie Blue is involved with but the bottom line is that she needs me available. Being gone from the house for almost 50 hours a week wasn’t working for us. And my husband needs me. Although staying Active Duty is a decision he has made (and I support this decision completely), and he loves what he is doing, it is my job as a wife to be there for him.
This is a HUGH change in my thinking. There is such a peace that I am finally doing what is right. You probably wonder what brought this all on. Apparently, Elizabeth Vargas’ decision to leave ABC is causing folks in the women’s movement to question what’s really going on. Why can’t they just embrace this woman, support her decision, and believe what she is saying? Maybe there is more to the story, but why do they automatically question her decision.
God bless you, Elizabeth Vargas. Enjoy your time with your family. Because in the grand scheme of things, there is nothing more important than family.