Friday, September 16, 2011

Five Minute Friday's

I have been reading several blogs lately that have a Five Minute Friday. The rules are quite easy...for writers! Write for five minutes flat - no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking. I have been so inspired by these women! I can't tell you the number of times that I have read a blog posting and thought...that was exactly what I needed to hear! Now I know my writing is lousy. No funny stories, no pithy comments, no words of wisdom. But maybe...maybe I can allow God to shine through and encourage someone. And I will start with Five Minute Friday. Today's word is JOY.
Interesting word. I know all of the proper things I am to say. But the point that they were trying to get across is to CHOOSE JOY. How often am I amazed that people are able to see the wonders of God in a sunset which I don't even take the time to notice!
This is a choice we have. And I spend way WAY too much time wallering in my defeats or just worrying about things that are absolutely out of my control.
So, for this weekend...I am going to choose joy! Let's see what we can accomplish when I look at things from a cheerful, joyful position. God has blessed me tremendously.
Now I just need to live His blessings!!!
Wow that was interesting. Not planning on doing anything with this like link to the blog but if you are curious to read some other takes on joy...check this out:
Have a great weekend!

Monday, June 27, 2011

More in the continuing sage with "T"

Since no one reads this blog I am using it to keep track of the stuff going on with T since the last time she had a list of everything I had done wrong...and since I don't care enough about all of this to waste brain cells I am going to do the documenting here. I mean, I swear this woman had a listing of EVERY possible time I had done something that she didn't like/hurt her feelings/or upset her in any way. The sad thing...I remember none of it. In most cases when she brought it up it shocked me that she was hurt. Anyway....

OK...this is the first Sunday evening we have had DT since our preacher left. I am the sub in his class so I figured it was my responsibility to plan something and I did. Even tho it was only a video! After our service, I announced that our class would be meeting in the sanctuary. At that time "T" came up to me and said something to the affect that she was surprised that I had something planned because she is the DT Director and all. I offered to back down she said no need, go ahead. And then informed me that she had talked to someone about teaching the class and he was looking at the material. First of all, we don't have material in this class. When I said that she said she had to talked to Bonnie about getting some and "he" was going to review the material and see if he was willing to teach. Would not tell me who when I questioned...which is fine. But NONE of this was discussed in our class. We spoke a few weeks ago when Byron resigned about the need for a man to step up...I don't feel I should be teaching this class. But we certainly didn't talk about any material.

Why do I let myself be upset by this kind of stuff? She is just flexing...but I did end up calling Bonnie and asking if I was out of line to be concerned. She had been presented with the need for material by T and was under the impression that we as a class had discussed it. So she didn't feel I was out of line but now as I write this I just continue to be sad. When we need to be circling the wagons this is coming up. AND I REFUSE TO LET SATAN INVOLVE ME IN ANYTHING THAT WILL BE HARMFUL TO MY CHURCH!!!

Enough said...

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Run me over

WOW....still almost a week later (and after several interesting/sad events) I feel like I have been run over by a bus/truck/train!! Last Wednesday night I had the powwow with the preacher and the women in my church. We will call her "T". Basically, it all comes down to...she is jealous of my relationship with the preachers wife and is upset that I no longer talk to her. I tried to take the blame for that. I am not in a position to allow myself to be in conversations with her because I have been convicted of all the gossiping we did...I just need to stay away. But she feels that she no longer gossips as she has also been convicted. Unfortunately, I find that difficult to believe as she had a long convo with someone while her phone butt/boob dialed a friend....and the fact that this happened was told to me in confidence so I couldn't bring that up!! Bottom line, if I said it one time I said it six...I can't been the kind of friend she wants. Ended with Bryon disappointed with me because I didn't come back at her but I knew there was no hope in that and just pretty much kept my mouth shut!!
Then, things went from bad to worse. One of our deacons had been in the hospital for over 2 weeks. He really began to go downhill on Thursday, so I sent a text to my sunday school ladies (past and present) including T, asking for prayer. As he got worse through the day, I continued to update this group, including T, and she then was the one to call me to let me know that this man had passed. With the funeral, feeding the family and all apparently she is taking this to mean we are best buds again...!!!
So done with it all. The Gray family will be leaving on Friday. We are having one last hoorah at the church on Wednesday night. Am tired of crying...I am going to miss them terribly! I hope God has a terrific man ready to come to our church, and soon!

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

And the beat goes on...

Wow...since I had my last vomit of blog information to share there has been happenings at our church. Our pastor has resigned. UGH! As much as I hate this, it is strictly for selfish reasons. Once again, I have allowed myself to become personal friends with the preacher and, more importantly, his wife!! She is absolutely, without a doubt, my best friend here. The only person in the church that I feel able to open up even remotely!!! And now they are moving 2 hours away.

I have said I feel a peace about their move...he really has done all he can here until some folks decide to open up and make some changes. I know he is doing what God wants him to do but it is still going to be difficult. Not looking forward to is at all.

Then this morning I am told that he (the preacher) was approached by a woman in the church who has asked for a mediated meeting with me to see if we can straighten some things out. I knew immediately who he was talking about and I agreed. WOW...this should be interesting. How do you tell someone that the reason you don't speak with her anymore is because you have been convicted of gossiping?! I am alittle concerned however, because he said that these kind of meetings can be good or they can be hurtful. Makes me wonder what she has said to him about me!!! So, I am spending the rest of the day praying. Praying that I will keep my comments civil. Praying that I don't say anything out of anger. Because in the grand scheme of things, this friendship really doesn't mean much to me. I will never allow myself to be in a position where I will trust her with anything more that can be used against me!! Thank I need to pray about that attitude too...

Monday, May 09, 2011


And I guess the thing that is concerning me most is my walk with God. I am struggling with everything lately. Quiet time is practically nonexistant. I spend way too much time trying to get inspiration from the internet...facebook...twitter. I mean they all can be good and I am just following Godly people but it so isn't necessary. And then I am critical of one church member. Who am I to be critical of her?!

I have attempted to do the Made to Crave bible study. Started with 8 people ended with just 2 of us. But why does that matter? The two of us got something out of it and those who didn't continue are the ones who missed out.

And then in Sunday School yesterday, I had a meltdown. In Sunday School. With Amanda. UGH!! I was interested in starting Lysa TerKeurst's More Than a Good Bible Study Girl study and we watched the first weeks DVD.

OH...and did I mention that the insprection stickers on both the VW and the truck expired the end of April? Just sayin...

Back on track. I want so much to have an accountability group. Atleast I think I do but after talking with Amanda I am not sure I really do. I mean it has become apparent to me that we talked alot in my family (dinner time for example) but we never really talked ABOUT anything that mattered. Eddie and I are the same way. I write this because I don't think I could ever make him understand my craziness. We talk about absolutely nothing that means anything. When we do talk it is usually me complaining/yelling and he just lets me rant. Wehave been together for more than 20 years and he still has no idea of the crazy things that go on in my head. The times I am grateful that I made it home without driving head on into a semi. WOW...actually said that out loud.

Need to get my mess straightened out...


Ed's orders with the National Guard where over the end of March 2011. The two months prior, there was something crazy going on with his paychecks...they say he was overpaid last year and starting taking money out each payperiod to repay. I was unable to get an answer from Ed about what/why this was being done. Still haven't really...he keeps insisting that there were payments made during the past year that he shouldn't have gotten. My feeling is that since he has been paid the same amount for the past several years...I don't follow. Asked him to get copies of his LES forms and show me but we have gotten no where with that. In the meantime, the bimonthly checks went from $2400 to $800. Quite a reduction in pay...

Then they stopped completely in April. With no prospects of any new job. It was over a month before he even started to look. And apply for unemployment?? Why we didn't do that until April 18th and a week later when I ask about it I am told "they need a copy of my orders". OK!!! And in the middle of all this...the VA decides that Caitlin is no longer eligible for any benefits. The 36 months became 12 and they cut her off. Fortunately, I had a little put away to pay for the balance due on this quarters tuition bill and to have her wisdom teeth removed. Did I mention that she needed to have all four removed??!!

And have I said anything about the fact that my house is not my home anymore? I love that fact that Bryce and Jed are living with us but I hate when Jed is working third shift. He gets to spend so much more time with his son...but that means that Bryce gets to spend so much more time with his Dad - read UNDISCIPLINED!! Church is becoming unbearable. I am amazed that those sitting around us haven't moved. Caitlin got to see it in all his glory yesterday.

I come home at night, go to my room and stay there. There is absolutely no interaction with the guys. It is absolute insanity most of the time. Either watching the SYFY channel or Spongebob Squarepants!! Even Hannah has started to hide. I was concerned because she kept sleeping next to the wall behind the desk at the door. Then she moved over to behind Eddie's chair and it dawned on me that she was hiding too!! The girls in this house are definately outnumbered!

All this is going on with a child who has moved home with his child and over the course of the last two years that they have been with us he has given me $150 to pay bills. I mean....really? He has a full time job. Even his vehicle is his dad's and we pay the insurance for it. I feel like a complete dube...we have allowed him to overtake our home, our finances and everything. Our lives revolve around Jed and Bryce. I want to do the right thing by them....but I am to where I don't know what that is anymore!



Really had a difficult weekend...well actually it's been the past several weeks and I am struggling to make sense of it all. Maybe writing will help so you are now subject to the ramblings of a 50+ year old crazy woman. Grab a cup of coffee and relax. It may be worth a few minutes of your time!!

Everything really started to fall apart a few months ago when I was planning a Simulcast of Pricilla Shirer's Going Beyond event. At the last minute I had gone to the Feminar event in Longview, TX and really felt the Lord telling me to arrange for the Simulcast. We needed something for the ladies in our church since they had cancelled the Women of Faith Conference in Shreveport this year. Maybe this was the first downfall...maybe it wasn't God leading me! But I sincerely felt I got home, talked to Byron and got his encouragement and signed up.

As usual, I was much more excited about the Simulcast than most of the women in our church. Thank goodness there were a few exceptions! Jeana and Berry Wayne really kept me going. And the Simulcast itself was FANTASTIC!! God was definately in the house that Friday night. Just what I needed.

Then Good Friday...Secret Church with David Platt. Couldn't get any one to go with me so I went to a church in West Monroe by myself. The most interesting, blessed, learning 6 hours!!! So sorry I couldn't get any one to come with me. I mean seriously, 6 hours of bible study with David Platt. Awesome!!

I then spent several days listening to various preachers on the internet.'s pastor, Craig Groeschel, spoke on "Wierd because Normal Isn't Working", had an awesome testimony, David Platt's first chapter of his new Radical book was stirring. Oh, and listened to Perry Noble at NewSpring and Steven Furtick at Elevation church.

All this, along with listening to nothing but Christian music and following new inspirational people on Twitter, have been very good for my mental facilities! The problem was that during this time everything at home was falling apart. TO BE CONTINUED...

Friday, February 18, 2011


At 12:32 AM, Monday, February 14, 2011 our sweet Noah Thomas was born. I cannot even begin to explain how full my heart feels!! I went to Memphis on Monday and was able to spend a couple of days holding him...he is PERFECT!!!

Had to come back for work and can't go back this weekend because Grandpa has a cold but Caitlin and I are planning a trip in two weeks. Jed should be off so Bryce will be taken care of and she will be done with school. She is very anxious to see her nephew!!!

God is good!

Friday, February 11, 2011

So Glad It's Friday

Almost done with week one of Made to Crave. I should have gotten the book on my Kindle. Stuggling to keep up. I am alone with Bryce in the evening and as much as I absolutely love makes it difficult to get all my reading done at night. Am going to have to try the morning.

Have really struggled all the way around this week. Our word for this week is EMPOWERED and I have felt anything but this week. Ate oreo cookies last night...not going to was 12 of them. But I am trying to look at this failure as a new start!! Must get more exercise in this week!

Drill this weekend so Tanker won't be home. His birthday is Sunday so he is convinced that Big Bubba's baby will be born that day! this granny is ready!! Then Sunday night he goes into the VA for a sleep study. That should be interesting!

My remember....chant...thought for the day is: The scale can measure the weight of my body but never the worth as a woman. Thank you Lysa!!

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Made To Crave

OK...back to life as we know it!! We have started a new bible study - Made To Crave - and it has been an interesting journey. I started back on Weight Watchers at the first of the year and had seen info about this new book on the KLove radio stations website. Food has such control over my life...and not in a good way! I had quit smoking about four years ago but the only way I have been able to maintain is by not starting again. I would love, LOVE to have a cigarette even today but I know that if I have one it is all over! But food...

Food is a whole different story. We need food to sustain us daily but the excess is just not necessary. I have got to get the right balance...and like with smoking, I cannot do it by myself. This has to be a God thing! So if you are interested in joining me in the journey, please feel free.

The good thing with this attempt at weight loss is that while I would love to get into some skinny jeans it is more about being able to play with Bryce and to be around for the new grandbaby.

so....our word for this week is EMPOWERED. And satan tried first thing this morning to set me up to fail but I am not denied...I am empowered to make better choices. Please pray for me and my group of ladies. Pray that we get away from craving food and find peace in craving God!!